naked notes

 

How did you do?  Did you find it difficult to sit for five minutes and count your breaths?  Or to focus on exactly what it is about your living space or your roommate you find abhorrent or not confusing? Join the club. 

By now you’ve probably realized that your mind is perhaps as unruly as your junk mail strewn all over your apartment or stuffed into the already bulging single closet in your apartment. I realized I left you last week with little instruction on how to begin transforming your home, but I did have a deliberate intention for you to ponder some questions about your environment. 

It’s become apparent to me in my own investigation into my mind and the space I occupy (including my body) that we first need to know where we stand.  We can ask, “How do I actually feel about my bed, about my kitchen counter and its proximity to the stove, about the person I live with and his or her mess?”  There is often that voice (or state of mind) that dismisses that feeling, saying something like, “I’m getting to that later, or my cousin gave me that vase and I can’t throw it out,” or other vague reasons surface as to why the situation cannot change. Or worse, perhaps you’ve already resigned yourself to the idea that nothing can change and you are feeling stuck.

Working from the Outside In

Please don’t lose heart. There is a way to start and here it is: begin not by thinking about what you’ll change or get but by what you’ll get rid of, let go of or to use a handy new-age term, release.  I’ll be more specific: start by getting rid of your garbage!  By garbage I mean your garbage.  If you’re not sure what your garbage is or isn’t look it up: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/garbage.  I like the section that defines it as “any materials unused and rejected as worthless or unwanted”. Okay maybe you are not like the tenant in my building who is a self-diagnosed hoarder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compulsive_hoarding) and actually collects garbage, but I’m talking here not just about your kitchen waste, but about your unwanted, unliked and unloved things.  (Note: if you think you may have hoarding problems, please call me at 212.365.4775).

Unless you LOVE these things and use them or have used them in the last year and will use them soon, then you must consider them garbage.  As a first tier project, consider:

 things that are broken, cracked, ripped, or worn;
 gifts you despise but are from dear relatives and friends (covered next week);
 old appliances you no longer use (covered next week);
 empty boxes and other containers;

Later we can evolve to the second tier once I’ve gotten you used to the idea of letting go.  Let’s first look at broken things. Unless you have made an attempt to fix a treasured or expensive item in the last year, consider getting rid of it. The problem with broken things is that each time you pass it or see it in your closet, you may notice an internal wincing going on, a perhaps subtle feeling that you have failed or can’t get to it. There is a resistance in your mind and an added stress “when will I get to that?” You are even for a quick moment identifying with yourself as a person who can’t, who won’t, who didn’t. Broken things are just not good for your mental health, so unless it’s a very valuable item you plan to sell on Ebay, let it go. You might now be asking, but if I throw it out, I still haven’t fixed it.  My response to that is out of sight, out of mind.  You are prioritizing and filling your environment (both internal and external) with whole things, therefore, that’s what you focus on and this is what will appear.

If you do plan to fix it because it’s an expensive item, a cherished gift (more on that next week), or one of kind, then set a date (right now as you’re reading this perhaps?) and a time to do so.  Have the glue, or other tools ready for your date with your broken object and then follow through. Time yourself as you fix the item. This is a great exercise to do to prove to yourself that these things often take less time than you think. Often the reason we put them off is because we think they’ll take longer and we just can’t be bothered.

You may also be postponing the trashing of something by thinking, “I can’t throw that rickety end table out until I get a new one, and in order to get a new one, I have to sort through all the junk and papers on top of that thing!” I’ve heard that one. Try this: put the junk and papers in a bag or box and get rid of the table.

The lovely thing about letting go of broken items (or fixing them!) is that you are letting go. You are acknowledging that other things are more important and you put your energy toward what you want to do. Let’s face it, if you’d wanted to fix that item, if it was that important to you, you would have repaired it right away.

Working from the Inside Out

Begin to investigate your grosser emotions, either formally in meditation (after counting your 10 breaths) or informally during your everyday tasks. Your grosser emotions are the more obviously agitating ones such as anger, frustration, or irritation. When I say “begin to investigate”, I mean you are simply and only noticing that you are agitated.  In order to reduce and finally let go of any painful state of mind, we first need to recognize it.  See if you can keep it very simple: you are not stating all the reasons why you are angry, etc. You are simply noticing that you are.  What is the feeling?  Is it tight or loose, flexible or sticky?  Does it hurt or feel good?  Where is it in your body?

You may begin to notice the situations in which you normally get irritated. In the morning or evening you can prepare by thinking, “I’m going to watch that feeling when I’m with that particular colleague at work, or I’m going to notice how I always seem to react in the same way to my girlfriend when she insists I make our bed, and so on.” The most important thing is that you become very well acquainted with that feeling.  You might think you already are, but I’m talking here about getting to know it on a very subtle level. 
When we do this, we begin to experience on a deep level how this emotion gets us in trouble, how it hurts like hell and how we actually have a choice about whether we have to experience it or not.  What happens is that we experience the emotion as coming from our mind and not from the situation or person out there. That can take training, but first we have to be convinced we’d like to experience something different.  Once we see it, reducing and letting go of irritation and frustration can come very easily.

Next week:  Part 2: Reduce the Gross Stuff . . . Is this Useful?

Category: NY Organize

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