Dear Receiver of Gifts: It’s The Thought That Counts

Photo courtesy of Saquam Stimpson monstershaq2000 on Flickr

A post or two ago I promised I’d tell you what to do with Aunt Sally’s massive crystal salad bowl and now I will deliver and try not to write a lengthy treatise on gifts and why most of them clog up the universe.  The experts were right when they said it’s the thought that counts and remember that the thought is coming from the giver and not the receiver.  Therefore, it’s not your responsibility to like or keep the gifts you are given.

It’s wonderful when someone really knows you, knows the things you like and don’t like and carefully chooses and gives you something very special. It means that person is listening to you. How lucky you are! It’s great for them and it’s great for you because you probably will find that special thing very useful. 

But alas, too often our family and friends miss the mark.  They may be listening and they have every intention of loving you with this gift, it’s just that their own likes and dislikes and a whole host of other mental clutter got in their way temporarily.  Shopping can be a terrorizing experience after all.  I had a boyfriend once who would occasionally give me a sweater or jeans in his size (our sizes were close, mind you). I think he just couldn’t handle the shopping experience. 

So your question remains what do I do with all these gifts I don’t want?  You are saying, “I can’t get rid of it because Aunt Sally will come over and wonder where it is!” Or “I can’t let that go because I’ll feel too guilty because Aunt Sally poured her entire life savings into it!”  I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.  You feel as if you are giving away poor Aunt Sally herself.  Rubbish. My answer is you can and you must. 

Look back at my earlier posts and use the same strategy I suggested for letting go of clothing:  1.  If it’s an expensive item, sell it on Ebay, or at a consignment shop; 2. Give it to a friend you know will enjoy it but make sure of that first! 3. Put it outside your building with a “Please Take” sign on it or give it to the Salvation Army.

This may hurt at first but it will get easier and easier.  The key thing to remember is that the wonderful deed has been done, the good karma has been created, Aunt Sally is so happy to have given you the crystal salad bowl.  And if she isn’t happy to have given it to you or it’s what we might call a guilt gift, that’s none of your business. Your business is keeping your apartment and your mind clear of clutter. Clutter in this case means GUILT. Guilt is a useless emotion that does no one any good. It’s a waste of time. Your business is that you don’t need, want or perhaps even like the thing and so you can let it go.  

When Aunt Sally comes over, try your hand at being honest. Remember that her expecting you to like or keep her gift (if that is indeed the case) is unreasonable. Assume that she is as evolved as you are and relate to her as such. That may seem impossible but imagine it now; it could be an entirely liberating experience for both of you!  Good luck. 
Next time: Dear Giver of Gifts: It’s the Thought That Counts